How to Deal with the Boss from Hell

With power comes the abuse of power. And where there are bosses, there are crazy bosses. It’s nothing new.

—Judd Rose

We’ve all had dealings with “the boss from hell.” More than just the topic of breakroom gripe sessions, this phenomenon is a universally relatable part of our national discourse. For example, as soon as the bosses in 9 to 5, Office Space, The Devil Wears Prada, and Succession show up on the screen, most viewers can instantly connect them to bosses they’ve encountered in their own work experiences.

 

Consider these scenarios: 

 

• Tim’s boss is a massive micromanager. She seems utterly incapable of trusting Tim to do his job. She constantly questions Tim’s judgment and demands to be involved in every single decision he makes.
• Ann’s boss screams at her on a regular basis. “Scream” isn’t a euphemism for “talks with a raised voice”: this guy yells so loudly that he can be heard on the other side of the office, through multiple sets of closed doors.  
• Pat’s boss seems determined to sabotage Pat’s career. He refuses to help her with development or networking opportunities, constantly belittles her contributions, and limits her advancement and growth.

These aren’t examples of “the boss and I don’t get along” or “the boss doesn’t like me” scenarios. Sure, those situations aren’t enjoyable and can be stressful, but they usually don’t leave people worrying about their mental health (or physical safety). No, we are in full “boss from hell” territory here!

Do any of those bosses sound familiar to you? Even if you’ve been lucky enough not to have personally tangled with a terrible boss, you probably know someone who has. If you’re laboring for a terrible boss right now (or just want to be ready for the possibility that you will have to deal with one eventually), there are steps you can take to survive this situation!

 

Survival Strategies for the Boss from Hell

 

Good leadership is pervasive, persuasive, and persistent. Bad leadership is poisoned with pedanticism, posturing, self-importance.

—Marcia Whicker

 

A boss from hell usually has too much ego, anger, or incompetence (perhaps all of above!) to be someone you can hope to reason with. Ideally, when an employee and a boss don’t see eye to eye, they can discuss those differences and try to find some middle ground. Even when that middle ground favors the boss’s position more (which, let’s be honest, is usually the case—that’s why the boss is the boss!), the two parties can still find ways to work together.

A boss from hell, on the other hand, typically won’t entertain any dissent—and can make life worse for employees who challenge them. That’s why your main approach should focus on just doing your job and getting by without getting your head bitten off. I repeat: you just need to do your job. I’ve had a number of nightmare bosses in my day, and based on my own experiences I can suggest several strategies for surviving that scenario.

 

Listen closely to the message, not to the delivery. 

 

I once worked for a boss who communicated only by screaming and yelling. (He once threw a keyboard at me!) If I had focused on how he told me what he wanted me to do, I would have walked out the door after a month (which is what a not-insignificant number of his direct reports did). But I chose instead to focus on what he was saying, thinking of his communication as a puzzle I needed to solve. “Beneath this awful way of sharing information,” I told myself, “lie clues that will help me solve his problem. The key to finding them is to focus deeply and intently on the message he is conveying.” 

 

Stay in the moment—and don’t get stuck in your head.

 

Too frequently, especially when things go wrong, we replay a nasty scenario in our minds over and over. We think about how we didn’t respond as well as we should have to a negative comment someone directed our way. Or we keep thinking about those comments (and of course the meaner the comment, the more we revisit it!). Don’t let those negative thoughts take up residence in your head! Try something like yoga or meditation to learn how to dispel distracting thoughts and let your mind go blank.

 

Maintain a positive mental state.

 

It’s not always easy to stay positive while navigating everyday life. The negative feelings that lurk beneath your surface thoughts are constantly looking for opportunities to burst forth. When you work for a horrible boss, you must work even harder to keep yourself in a positive state (and avoid tumbling into the pit of despair). Doing something you love every single day can help you brute-force your way to positivity! Exercise, too, can raise your mood.

 

Keep your head down.

 

No one deserves to be treated poorly by their boss. Unfortunately, though, sometimes you will just have to suck it up—at least, until your boss leaves or you can get the hell out of Dodge. Just get your work done and do your best not to attract the boss’s (negative) attention. 

 

Adjust your communication style.

 

Identify what angers, annoys, or irritates your boss, then adjust your interactions so you don’t set them off. Pay attention to how others interact with your boss and what results they get. Their successes can give you clues about what works with that boss. You can also learn a lot about what doesn’t work when you see the boss go ballistic on someone.

 

Put up a force field.

 

In the movie Independence Day, there’s a scene where the U.S. military is attacking the invading aliens, but a force field prevents any weapons fire from reaching the mothership. Whenever I had to meet with a boss who was yelling at me, I would remember this scene and imagine that I had my own personal force field that let my boss’s message get through (i.e., what they wanted me to do) but deflected all the insults, hostility, and aggression.   

 

Gain support from colleagues (but be careful).

 

Don’t participate in random complaint sessions about the boss. What seems like venting among coworkers who are in the same boat could bite you in the butt later if the boss catches wind of it. That said, some commiseration can be beneficial—if you have a trusted group of colleagues who are in the same boat (or who are sympathetic to your situation). You can share your “battle stories” to blow off some steam and gain psychological support so you don’t feel isolated. But don’t even think about confronting your boss with a united front. That tactic might work with a boss who doesn’t realize they are doing a poor job and who is open to changing after hearing about it. But a truly awful boss from hell doesn’t care at all what you think—and will probably be vindictive afterward.

 

Don’t take it personally. 

 

I know, I know—easier said than done, right? But just keep reminding yourself, “It’s not me, it’s them.” Frequently, bosses from hell lash out and are difficult because of social or psychological reasons that exist independently from you. If you compare a bad boss to a great boss, more often than not you’ll see that the latter exhibits much greater emotional intelligence. (To learn more about what that is and why it’s important—especially if you have your own leadership aspirations—take a look at these two blog posts I’ve written on the topic: “Elevating Your Influence with Emotional Intelligence” and “Getting Your EQ On: How to Develop Emotional Intelligence.”)

 

Room for Change?

A bad boss is like a disease of the soul.

—Chetan Bhagat

Although there usually isn’t much hope for improvement in a “boss from hell” situation, sometimes you might actually have opportunities to take action. For example, a boss from hell almost never genuinely wants to hear dissenting opinions—but it does happen sometimes that they do. Maybe they have had a change of heart and now embrace self-improvement. Maybe they don’t think they’re doing anything wrong but feel compelled (perhaps at the urging of their own boss or peers) to ask for their employees’ feedback. Whatever the reason, this could be your opportunity to effect some change! 

I’ve written before about some best practices for giving feedback in general (see “The Art of Giving Honest and Effective Feedback” and “Giving Difficult Feedback”) and for giving feedback to your boss (see “The How, When and Why of Giving Feedback to Your Boss”). 

But dealing with the boss from hell requires a slightly different approach. In that situation, keep these three tips in mind:

• Don’t say “I would like to give you some feedback” or “I have some feedback for you,” because that will put them on the defensive and make them confrontational from the get-go. Instead, say something like “I would like to follow up on yesterday’s meeting to ensure that we’re on the same page.”
• With a boss who’s calm and reasonable, talking about how they made you feel is usually a good strategy. But if your boss is a bully, you may have to stand up for yourself more in order to be heard. With one boss who was a yeller, I sometimes had to raise my voice in response (not quite to screaming level) to ensure that they would actually pay attention to what I was saying. (This is not a strategy to use often, though. Save it for the really important moments—or when you’re truly at wits’ end—or else it will lose its impact and could even backfire on you.)
• Offer specific recommendations for what would work better for you going forward. When dealing with a yelling boss, for example, I would say, “Could you give me feedback without raising your voice? Then I would be able to process it better and make better choices on future projects.” Notice that I phrased this as a question rather than as a statement (which could be interpreted as a demand): asking invites a conversation, whereas telling can make someone feel antagonistic toward you.

Lastly, remember that this is not a time to burn any bridges. Tread carefully (which means not only using the optimal approach but also understanding when it is—or isn’t—a good time to speak up or give feedback). And always thank your boss for listening to your perspective, regardless of the outcome.

 

When Things Get Really (Really!) Bad

People don’t leave bad jobs, they leave bad bosses.

—Unknown

If you find that your boss’s behavior is actually preventing you from doing your job, or if you think things might be heading toward “wrongful termination lawsuit” territory, document as much as you can. You’ll want a thorough log in case you need to go to HR, to another intermediary, or to a lawyer. 

Keep doing your job and limit the gripe sessions with colleagues. You don’t want to give your boss (and anyone in the organization) any ammunition to use against you. Don’t draw attention to yourself. 

Polish up your LinkedIn profile (be sure and check the box that doesn’t share changes you’ve made to your profile so your boss or coworkers don’t get wind of you leaving). Leverage all of your contacts to try to find another position. And do whatever you can to get out of there.

 

Always Be Learning

You always learn from both good and bad bosses.—Rajeev Suri

Don’t let a bad boss ruin your life! Remember that even the worst situations can give you valuable experience and knowledge. You can always learn something. 

You might learn new strategies for dealing with difficult people in general, for example. Or you might learn that you have more resilience and resourcefulness than you thought. 

And you will definitely learn a lot about what not to do when you’re in a leadership role. By focusing on the great bosses and what you can learn from them, always keeping the employee perspective in mind, and foregrounding empathy, you can avoid becoming a “boss from hell” yourself.

 

Do you have your own success stories about dealing with a challenging boss? Please share them in the comments below!